Everyone’s always telling you how to make your trip more fun and flawless and just bloody AWESOME, so I figured we need gyan of a different kind. And therefore, I present 10 ways to ruin a perfectly awesome holiday. Now I wouldn’t suggest you try these things, quite the opposite actually.
1. Be a picture maniac, Upload at least 10 pictures per hour
“I’m in Rome and that dog that pooped. I’m sure everyone is dying to see a picture of this. Click. Apply Filter. Upload”
“Maybe I should stick my face in the picture as well.” #selfiewithdogpoo
Instagram is the best thing that happened to humanity. Seeing the world through your eyes is passe’, there’s nothing like seeing it through an Instagram filter. All your friends are probably eagerly waiting for pictures of you on holiday to cheer them up. The aim is not to experience from the depths of your soul, it is to capture as many pictures as possible, and don’t forget, they mostly have to be selfies.
2. Have a rigid itinerary
“But according to our itinerary, we have to watch geese running around in the park from 5-6p.m, so we won’t be able to make it to the awesome village festival.”
Your itinerary should have no space or time to make any changes. You heard about this awesome trail leading to the ruins of a 15th century palace during your guided tour of the local pub (why is this stranger talking to me?!), but you shouldn’t give it a second shot or consider shuffling around your plans. Your plans are set in stone, cannot be moved around even if one secretly wanted to. After all, the ‘Road Not Taken’ is not taken for a reason.
3. Don’t give a hoot about local rules & customs
“So what if we’re in the middle-east? I have to wear my lucky red holiday bikini or else our vacation will be ruined.”
You need to throw your weight around and show that you have no respect or regard for any other culture but your own. Why must you care about other religions and customs, you must spend your holiday exactly as you would have at home. You shouldn’t have to give up eating beef simply because the cow is a sacred animal. You definitely must not
4. Get wasted out of your wits
“Duuuuuude, I was so wasted I have no memory of Friday night and I spent pretty much all of Saturday recovering! That’s how it’s done!”
Friday nights are meant for getting drunk. Ok, maybe Saturday. Doesn’t matter if you’re halfway around the world, you simply have to get drink copious amounts of alcohol and get smashed out of your mind so you the entire night is like a black hole in your memory, sort of like the Hangover movie. It alright if you miss that beautiful walking tour on your last day because you were hungover, you can always go walking once you’re back home. Barf Barf!
5. Always stick to the Formula
“Follow the guidebook….Follow the guidebook….Always follow the guidebook” vs. “Don’t follow the guidebook….Don’t follow the guidebook….No matter what, don’t follow the guidebook”
There’s no such thing as a healthy mix of both. You have to pick one and stick to it like stubborn chewing gum on your shoes. Everything has to be black and white, no grays allowed. A rose by any other name does not smell as sweet.
6. Don’t talk to strangers
“No ways man! That dude is too different from me, he’s not Indian. I ain’t gonna talk to him.”
God forbid, they may be nice, warm people because of whom you might get to know local traditions and secrets and you may even invited over for an authentic regional evening. Talking to a stranger might just make your trip awesome; maybe it won’t but it won’t do any harm either.
And as Indians, we’re probably more wary of strangers than any other race; not talking to strangers is something that is ingrained in us from the very beginning. The first and only rule is to trust your instinct, if you genuinely feel that someone means bad business, then stay away.
7. Don’t take the trouble to understand, only judge
“Oh my God, did they just cut off that goat’s head and use it’s blood to anoint their foreheads?”
Barbaric, gruesome, unthinkable, cruelty to animals. It is none of your business why they did that, you must’nt waste your precious time on asking questions, you must out-rightly condemn what you don’t understand. They probably sacrificed the animal to thank the Gods for a bountiful harvest, a tradition of thousand years. Such rubbish traditions should most definitely not be encouraged.
8. Carry your trip’s worth of 2-minute noodles and other munchies
“Who knows what those strange creatures that they’re frying are? We’ve never seen them before, how can we put them in our tummies?”
Don’t try anything new, who knows what might happen to your belly? You could go to McDonald’s or KFC, they’ll taste just like they do at home. Imagine if you actually tried something new and loved it and then you had to leave and you’ll never be able to find it at home. Best not to try it all than to try and regret it later.
9. Be an Internet Whore
“OMG! Should we go to the Central Square or the market by the river? We could ask the concierge or those sweet, helpful local people, but I’d rather check it out on TripAdvisor.”
Do your research ahead. And if you’re doing the whole ‘unplanned nomad gypsy wanderer’ thing, then you’re losing the plot by using the internet. By all means, use it for navigation or to check rail/bus timings, or if you’re stranded and happen to have mobile connectivity. Otherwise, it’s best to look around, see the sights, hear the sounds, talk to locals, smell the air, eat the food and just feel the place.
10. Buy overpriced souvenirs from the airport giftshop
“The locals are selling it much cheaper, they must be inferior quality. The airport gift shop is definitely the best.”
This is the best piece of advice you’ll ever get: the more expensive something is, the better the quality of the item. This holds true for everything from food to fabric and guided tours to trinkets. Mostly, you’ll find the most expensive souvenirs at airport gift shops; so don’t bother wasting your time elsewhere. You’ll have to get to the airport eventually!
That’s about all I could think of for now. Can you think of more awesome ways to ruin your travels?? We’re eager to know, shoot off in the comments section!